Taking on M&M’s
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To the editor:
Tucker Carlson, host of Fox News, Tucker Carlson Tonight and noted culture warrior has taken aim at M&M candies.
You might ask, can a candy have a gender personality? Well, Tucker thinks they can.
“After the Brown M&M swapped her stilettos for lower block heels and the Green M&M traded in go-go boots for sneakers, [who noticed except Tucker], Carlson declared “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally *androgynous,” and that when “you are totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity”.
Androgynous, good word Tucker, your exclusive prep school education has come through for you.
When M&M’s introduced the Purple M&M, Tucker pronounced the candy, “obese.”
For the enlightenment of Tucker and his followers, the Purple M&M is a peanut M&M with an oval shape.
Not content with waging a “candy” culture war, Carlson, a vocal supporter of Vladmir Putin, proposed that the invasion of Canada would be a better use of America’s military might than supporting Ukraine.
“Like why don’t we liberate it?” “We’re spending all this money to liberate Ukraine from the Russians, why are we not sending an armed force to liberate Canada from Trudeau.”
Apparently, not joking about his proposal to invade Canada, he said, “And, I mean it.”
As an historian, I would like to point out that two attempts to invade and conquer Canada by U.S. forces failed in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812.
Despite the War of 1812 “war hawks,” like Henry Clay and Tucker Carlson in 2023, Canada remains our good neighbor to the north with the longest unfortified border in the world.
When it comes to the News, I have to agree with Darrell Dodge in his column “Idle Chatter,” I miss Walter Cronkite.