Redefining bullying: Help for parents, schools

Bullying has become a matter of life and death for many kids, and while most people are familiar with bullying, it is quietly transforming into an epidemic. Millions of youth are experiencing cyberbullying online, through social media, and other “silent” messaging avenues every day, and parents are often unaware. This type of bullying includes mean text messages or emails, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites, embarrassing pictures, videos, and websites, and fake profiles. Messages and images can be posted anonymously and distributed quickly to a very wide audience.

Cyberbullying can happen 24 hours a day, every day, and reach a child when he or she is alone.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a national survey found that 28% of middle schools, 15% of high schools, and 10% of elementary schools report the occurrence of bullying at least once per week. The CDC notes that 1 in 5 high school students report being bullied on school property.

Defining Bullying
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), bullying is any unwanted aggressive behavior by another youth that involves a perceived power imbalance.
It can include physical actions, verbal comments, damaging someone’s property, and cyberbullying.

Proposed state legislation
In the last few weeks, legislators have discussed changing the definition of bullying in Iowa Code in hopes of streamlining how the damaging behavior is addressed in schools. House File 149 would simplify the definition of harassment and bullying by removing references to “perceived traits and characteristics” so that all forms of bullying can be addressed.

Currently, Iowa Code 280.28 defines harassment and bullying as any electronic, written, verbal, or physical act or conduct toward a student which is based on any actual or perceived traitor characteristic of the student and which creates an objectively hostile school environment that meets one or more of the following conditions:
(1) Places the student in reasonable fear of harm to the student’s person or property.
(2) Has a substantially detrimental effect on the student’s physical or mental health.
(3) Has the effect of substantially interfering with a student’s academic performance.
(4) Has the effect of substantially interfering with the student’s ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or privileges provided by a school.
Protected traits or characteristics in the code include, but are not limited to, age, color, creed, national origin, race, religion, marital status, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, physical attributes, physical or mental ability or disability, ancestry, political party preference, political belief, socioeconomic status, or familial status.

Mental Health and Bullying
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports there has been a significant increase in certain mental health issues in young people, including depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.

One family, Kirk and Laura Smalley, have made it their mission to take on bullying and help people realize how critical the issue is. Their 11-year-old son committed suicide after he was suspended from school for retaliating against a bully.

“I don’t want other parents to go through what I have gone through with losing my son to bullying,” says Kirk Smalley, co-founder of Stand for the Silent. “Bullying is a serious issue that causes major mental health issues in our youth, who then grow up to become adults who may suffer from mental health issues. We need to get this under control now.”

According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), those who are bullied are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, fear, and withdrawal from social contact. They are also at an increased risk for anger, aggression, and conduct problems and may engage in more risky behavior.

Youth who participate in cyberbullying are often the highly insecure survivors of some form of past abuse, neglect or bullying. The NIH reports that those who bully are also at greater risk for depression.

“We are all impacted by bullying in one way or another, especially when it impacts our youth’s mental health the way it does,” says Smalley. “We all need to come together to address this issue.”

Stand for the Silent
Started in 2010, Stand for the Silent is an organization on a mission to help eliminate bullying nationwide. With the rising prevalence and dangers of cyberbullying, Stand for the Silent developed a Social Bullying Program to educate, intervene and prevent the harmful behavior.

A free cyberbullying handbook for parents, and K-2 bullying prevention curriculum is available for parents to download on the Stand for the Silent website.

The Proactive Parent’s Cyberbullying Handbook helps parents understand the active steps they can take to put a stop to cyberbullying. The guide was developed as a ready-to-use tool for raising awareness, engaging youth and preventing the devastating effects of cyberbullying on mental health and physical well-being.

Crucial signs that a child may be suffering from bullying:

• Sudden changes in school attendance, avoiding recess, or being withdrawn.
• Complaining of headaches, stomach aches, or a loss of appetite before going to school and returning home.
• Having difficulty concentrating, displaying signs of anxiety or depression, or talking about running away or suicide.
• Lacks the ability to be self-assertive or has insufficient social skills and body language that reflects low self-esteem.
• Has injuries and does not provide clear explanations of how they obtained them.
• Has a noticeable difference from other students or a learning disability.

Changes in youth appearance, demeanor, and behavior are often the tell-tale signs of experiencing challenges they are unprepared to manage. While emotional, social and behavioral shifts are common among youth, noticing a new pattern or cluster is an opportunity for parents to intervene before more urgent signs of difficulty appear.

Stand for the Silent also travels the country, giving presentations about bullying to schools, providing bullying prevention, giving out scholarships, offering intervention strategies, and more.

Those interested in getting involved can start a chapter of the group in their area, host a presentation at their school, introduce the How All Started video, or donate to help support the Stand for the Silent cause. More information can be found online at: www.standforthesilent.org